


Dirty Yuuri

by FiredUberDriver



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Prison, Bitchslapping, Break Up, Bullying, Cheating, Comedy, Court, Crack, Crimes & Criminals, Dirty Jokes, Drama, Everyone Is Gay, Fights, Fist Fights, Gossip, HIV/AIDS, M/M, Mild Smut, Prison, Reality TV, Rumors, Sassy, Sexual Content, Trials
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8764765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiredUberDriver/pseuds/FiredUberDriver
Summary: WARNING: CRACK! OR:Yuuri does something completely sinister to poor Yuri, resulting in him going to jail-(Content may be offensive to some viewers...)-





	1. Yuuri causes trouble (How it began)

**Author's Note:**

> My cracks are offensive so please don't read if you don't like this shit because if you comment something like, "omg my mom has osteoporosis you bitch," or, "my father had herpes you dick!" I will not respond, since I'll be too butthurt. 0^0   
> Not really, but in all seriousness this content may be offensive to some of you and it involves tons of cursing, and disgusting details, so if you do not like any of the following, just get out... :( *Holds door open*  
> ~~~~~~~~  
> If you stayed, yay! This is my first Yuri on Ice CRACK fic, so please be nice c:

**Yuuri Katsuki P.O.V**

I am really hot, like really hot. I have beautiful jet black hair, gorgeous chocolate colored eyes any man would die for, and the best ass you'll ever see! Although, this basic blonde bitch named bootleg Yuri, thinks differently than I. The skinny bitch with no meat claims, "I am a ugly little whore." Obviously, this isn't true! I've only slept with ten men including Viktor, Phichit, and Chris. Although, Chris was a one time thing and I'm never lettin' him hit this fine ass ever again! Not to mention, Phichit gave me herpes, but I am currently getting treatment for that. Viktor on the other hand, he gave me aids when we had our first time, but I am also getting surgery for that as well. Anyways, back to blonde bitch named wannabe Yuri, is totally gonna get humiliated today! I haven't come up with anything yet, but he should be skating in a hour or so and I'm just hiding in the bathroom stall, BRB!

**Viktor Nikiforov P.O.V**

What the shit, I can't find that cute Japanese boy who I had just given aids. I think his name was Yaoi, I'm not sure, I know it wasn't Yuuri though. Yuuri's in the toliet crying like a little bitch, I know he always does that, plus I already gave him aids. I slept with some guy last night behind Yuuri's back, but I could care less... I think I'm just gonna go polish my sexy shoes now, they are quite filthy tbh...

**Leo De La Iglesia P.O.V**

Dammit I was about to nut until Guang Hong stopped sucking and decided to kiss me! What a pinche puto... 

**Guang-Hong Ji P.O.V**

Haha, I didn't let Leo nut~

**Yuri Plisetsky P.O.V**

I sigh, leaning against the wall as I wait for them to call my name to come up and preform. My song is Talk Dirty by one of my personal favorite artists, Jason Derulo. This song has a very deep meaning to it, which only makes my desire to twerk nearly impossible to control. So sexy. Now, I hear the old man's voice on the announcement thingy mic whatever the fuck it's called. I slip off my designer limited edition Jacob Sartorius sweatshirt to reveal something way more flashy and sexy. I am wearing Leotard than digs deep into my booty, so basically it's like I'm wearing a thong with a tank top. I was so ready, I entered the ice rink while kicking my legs up high, making sure to flash my loyal fans some of my goodies~

**3rd Person**

"So JJ, you legit left your sexy ass girlfriend for that filthy trap?" A unimpressed voice asked. "Do you even know how old he is?" The random JJ fan asked. JJ nearly nutted at Yuri's outfit, but quickly switched his attention to his fans. "Listen Random JJ fan," JJ begun, "Yuri told me he was 20, so I can do whatever the fuck I want to him!" JJ screamed, yelling intensely in the cancerous fan's face. "JJ YOU ARE A PEDOPHILE, HE'S ONLY 15!" The random JJ fan screamed, shaking his idol. "I SMASHED A CHILD?" JJ screamed, tears streaming down his face. "I busted a nut on a fifteen year old!" JJ screamed again, causing his fans crowding him to become deaf. JJ couldn't take the pressure, so he flew back to Canada and Instagram DMed Yuri that they were done. I guess you could say that will be the last time he slides in Yuri's DMs, I am sorry, bye.

**Yuuri Katsuki P.O.V**

I smirked, watching as bootleg Yuri's booty flaps were flowing in the wind like a tortilla being swung back and forth. I sprung into action, loading my paint ball gun up as I aimed, then shot for that Russian booty. There came a big blue paintball hurtling towards Yuri's booty, but missed, resulting in it to splat on the ice, causing the audience to gasp and Yuri's skates to get ruined. "Fuck!" He yelled for all the crowd to hear, there was still a tiny chunk of Paint, thus making Yuri slip. His watermelon sized booty slammed on Ice, making a echoed SLAM sound. The crowd went silent and Yuri's eyes filled with tears. The ice began to crack, O shit. This ice rink was special, the ice was made with the ocean water below, which means when the ice cracks the ocean water comes... Well we were all fucked, so hahaha, shit... I didn't even get to have sex with Celestino yet! He was on my hit list and I ain't talkin' about that kinda hit, I'm talkin' about the smash hit. A.K.A SEX! Cause that's all I think about.

**1 DAY LATER**

News report...

15 year old Yuri Plisetsky, ice skater from Russia severely injured at Antarctica Ice Rink. Polar bears and witnesses claim the boy was in the middle of his waltz jump until a medium sized blue paint ball came darting towards the young skater, missing, but causing it to splat on the surface of the ice. As a result, when Yuri landed he slipped due to a chunk of paint still present. Seals and Penguins claim it to be from former Ice skater, Viktor Nikiforov. While others say it was from a jealous skater from Japan, Yuuri Katsuki. Tune in tomorrow for live coverage, that's all today, stay safe. That is all, CNN news over and shit. ~~I don't know how the fuck they end their news things...~~

 


	2. YURI ON ICE GONE SEXUAL!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Yurio's incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's gonna get violated

**JJ LEROY POV**

I cried into my pillow, I was a  _pedophile_. I didn't know what to do, so the best thing was to hide from the public, which I knew would be hard because of how undeniably sexy I was...  I decided it was best t-

**YURI KATSUKI POV**

I groaned, my luscious eyes fluttering open as I turn to my left. "AHHHH! MMPH! MOANMOANSEXYMOANOOOOH~!" My eyes grew wide as I saw none other than Chris on the edge of the hotel bed. He was jerking off to Yuri's performance and he kept rewinding the part when honey nut Yurio's booty cheek slapped against the ice. "Fuck you nasty!" I said, crawling away from him. That sick pervert, how'd he even sneak in my room? "Oh Yuuri, don't pretend you didn't want me in your room~" He purred, his breath hot against my ear. I blushed, but quickly remembered how bad Chris was at sex, so I tried to push him. "Mm, Yuuri~ You practically were begging for me to come into your room, you left the door unlocked..."He said in a low voice, his eyes narrowing. O shit, I didn't know I left my door unlocked, someone could've barged in while I was twerking to Party in the usa by Miley Cyrus. SMH. 

**VIKTOR NIKIFOROV POV**

I was just going to the local Walmart, I needed to buy crocs for my sugar daddy, but that's another story. Anyways, I was also here to purchase the Kardashian clothing line, I was  _not_ going to miss out... I also came across Phichit and that Lee boy from Korea. "Hey, Bitchit... I mean Phichit!" I joyfully said, attempting to hide my anger. "Hey, Shitor, I mean Viktor!" He smiled, blowing me a playful kiss as he pushed Lee boy out of the way. I hate that Thai hoe and I know he hates me too... Phichit grinned, shoving a hell kitty I mean hello kitty thong in my face, along with a snowman g-string. I nearly sucked up that ass smelling g-string through my nostrils. "Phichit this smells like yo booty hole, get it the fuck out of my face!" I scream, pushing the ugly ass man. Phichit's voice cracked as he spoke, "It wasn't me!" He claimed. "I was the second person to try it on! My ass never smells!" He said. I rolled my eyes, bitch slapping that hoe...

**LEO DE LA IGLESIA POV**

Guang-Hong literally glued himself onto my back, I think he needs help.

**GUANG-HONG JI POV**

I glued myself to Leo, he said he wants to go back to America, so if he leaves I'll go with him and if he stays, well then I stay with him~

**Honey nut Yurio's pov**

I yelled, that fucking Yuuri bitch ass hurt me and humiliated me in front of not hundreds, not thousands, but  _millions_ of people... Could this day get any worse? Here I lied in the hospital, not one person even visiting me, I just want JJ here tbh... Where's my phone, I need to text him. 

\------

**Jjleroy!15: Babe, I'm sorry but it's over...**

\------

**3rd person**

"How is he doctor?"The medical assistant asked. "He had a stroke..." The doctor sighed. "At 15?" The woman asked. "Margaret, anyone could have a stroke, even you..." "Margaret...?"

**Doctor pov**

Haha, Margaret gotta stroke, I always hated that bitch...

**CNN STUDENT NEWS**

Carl Azuz: hello children, welcome to cnn student news I'm your host carl azuz! for today's story we are going to talk about russian skater, yuri pilot or pie sketchy see... i chocolate donut know how to say his name, butt oh well. anyways He might die, um yeah... I guess you could say he's, nevermind I can't think of a damn pun, fuck you dicks...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, what a story this will be~ :o


End file.
